All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
