Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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