hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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