last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
