32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
