Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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