whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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