Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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