Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
