She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
