i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
