I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
