i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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