Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
