as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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