Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
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I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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