WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
