I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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