apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
