Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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