Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
