Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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