I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
