she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
