and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
