It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
