True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
