She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
