What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
