he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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