I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
