you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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