so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
