About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
