This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
