I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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