I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
