So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Randomize
