she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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