ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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