i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
