This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
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Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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