the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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