I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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