I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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