i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My feet surprised me
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
