Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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