If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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