Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I need to calm my uterus...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
