____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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