I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
