i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
