Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
