I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
