Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
