He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
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You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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