I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
