he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
