I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
