My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
