Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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