we're chasing vodka with high fives
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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