I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
