well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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