Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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